what is real.
how do you know?
memories i wanna keep
1. the night you said "i love you" first
because you knew i was gonna say it
2. that first kiss
3. that first night in jeans
unexpected, and still so much unknown
you ask questions i don't have answers to
i wish we could just breathe in the here and now
and leave tomorrow to tomorrow
our ever growing list of adventures
where time operates at different speeds
where we plan a future we can't step into
where you come and go and come and go
2025 in review
Places visited:
Jan - Kazakhstan
Feb - Lausanne/Zurich, Milan, Reading
Mar - Turin, Son Doong cave
Apr - Shiga Kogen, Bhutan
May - home
Jun - Msia church camp
Jul - Seoul searching
Aug - Indy/Melbourne, Maldives
Sep - Rinjani, KL
Oct - Bangkok
Nov - Istanbul (layover)/Athens, Penang/Langkawi
Dec - Beijing/Wanlong, Lazarus Island
Milestones:
Buying a home
Running a marathon in 4:55:52
Falling in love
time to let go
how do i even count it?
1 year? 2 months? 5 times?
came as a whirlwind, left in the rain
maybe in 3 years' time.
maybe never. maybe forever.
weirdly just level-headed emptiness
sorry i made a mess but i don't regret it.
bye paw paw
In his lofty tower
joint rolled and whisky peat
the world at his feet
but lonely in his empty suite
Lonely because of it or
lonely in spite of it
where sleep doesn't come easy
where music fills the silence
the daily hustle and bustle
in the mind that churns and yearns
for a respite in the rare drizzle
in a desert of land and people
tempted and tempting
surreal and sublime
activities to fill the void
temporal joy against the toil
waiting for the desert rain
first dream of the year
i rarely dream, or at least i don't remember them if i do. yet this one was clear. dreams aren't meant to really mean anything but hard not to think/reflect on this one.
i know it's a dream because it is grounded in reality but the different pieces of reality don't fit.
i'm watching a movie with c and everything was so comfortable, how our hands fit, and my head on his shoulder. and why i remember it was being mildly surprised how comforting everything was. and that went on for the most part of the dream.
but towards the end you showed up. not that it was a good/bad/happy/sad thing. i still don't know how and why you can show up, out of the blue. maybe because whenever i reminisce, you cross my mind.
you once told me about unconditional love. and that's how i can comprehend God's unconditional love (although i would never fully understand God's kinda love), because if that's what i think i feel for you, i can only begin to scratch the surface in experiencing His love.
i am thankful for you, for what we had, even if it was ever so brief.
as you get older, time goes by quicker?
2023 in review
jan: started the year on gili islands, learnt how to scuba dive
feb: treated myself to a 3 week trip to jeju
mar: work trips from seoul to portland through vancouver + bangkok + cambodia
apr: home
may: work and play: seoul/pyeongchang/sokcho
june/july: euro trip + weddings: izmir/belgrade/bordeaux/cognac/paris/lausanne/zurich/athens/istanbul
july: langkawi/KL
aug: home
sep: istanbul/cappadocia
oct: HCMC+ karatsu
nov: tongyeong for yisunsin cup + riyadh
dec: japan (tokyo, kyoto, lake biwa)
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